Mint: A Fresh Look at your Site Minted
  1. 1 <!-- DOCTYPES ARE FOR PUSSIES -->
  2. 2 <HTML>
  3. 3 <HEAD> <!-- YOUR PROBABLY EXPECTING A SEXY JOKE HERE RIGHT -->
  4. 4 <TITLE>ONE KEY TO RULE THEM ALL</TITLE>
  5. 5 <META NAME="DESCRIPTION" CONTENT="HELLO GOOGLE COME TO MY SITE AND LEARN ABOUT THE FASINATING WORLD OF THE CHOCKLOCK AND ITS POWER" /> <!-- GETTIN ALL ZUBIN WITH THE ROBOTS -->
  6. 6 <STYLE>
  7. 7 BODY {
  8. 8 -WEBKIT-TRANSFORM: SCALEX(-1);
  9. 9 } /* GOOGLE SEARCH RANK CODE I THINK */
  10. 10 BODY {BACKGROUND: WHITE repeat;} /* LOUIS MADE ME DO IT */
  11. 11 .CHOCKLOCKITUDE {FONT-SIZE:128PX;FONT-FAMILY:HELL-FRICKEN-VETICA,'MS COMICAL SANS',HELVETICA;LINE-HEIGHT:114PX;LETTER-SPACING:-8PX;}
  12. 12 .CHOCKLOCKINATION {FONT-SIZE:128PX;FONT-FAMILY:HELL-FRICKEN-VETICA,'COMIC SANS MS',HELVETICA;LINE-HEIGHT:114PX;LETTER-SPACING:-8PX;} /* IN CASE I MAKE TYPO YEAH HARD TO IMAGINE BUT SHIT HAPPENS */
  13. 13 A {TEXT-DECORATION:NONE}
  14. 14 </STYLE> <!-- YEAH I GOT STYLE COMING OUT MY ASS AND SHAUNINMAN.COM THINKS HES PRETTY SMART -->
  15. 15 <META NAME="GENERATOR" CONTENT="VI BECAUSE EMACS SUCKS BALLS" />
  16. 16 <!-- DONT BITCH ABOUT RSS OR ATOMS DONT YOU KNOW HOW TO TYPE AND REFRESH LOSER -->
  17. 17 <!-- OK YOU LAZY ASS HERE YOU GO AT LEAST RSS IS CHOCK LOCK FRIENDLY -->
  18. 18 <LINK REL="ALTERNATE" TYPE="APPLICATION/RSS+XML" TITLE="RSS" HREF="/LAZY.ASS" />
  19. 19 <SCRIPT>
  20. 20 // JAVASCRIPT SUCKS ITS NOT CHOCKLOCK COMPATIBLE AT LEAST YOU CAN GET RID OF SPACES TO MAKE IT EASIER TO READ
  21. 21 var XXX;function BEST() {YYYY=document.getElementById('LIQUOR');YYYY.style.backgroundImage="URL(BEACHY.GIF)";alert("YOU BROKE MY WEBSIGHT CLICK TO CONTINUE");}function BETTER() {clearTimeout(XXX);YYYY=document.getElementById('LIQUOR');YYYY.style.backgroundImage="URL(BUG.GIF)";XXX=setTimeout('BEST()', 10000);}function HAHAHA() {clearTimeout(XXX);YYYY=document.getElementById('LIQUOR');YYYY.style.backgroundImage="";XXX=setTimeout('BETTER()', 20000);setTimeout('ITHINKTHISFIXESIT()', 3000);}function ITHINKTHISFIXESIT() {YYYY=document.getElementById('LIQUOR');YYYY.style.webkitTransform="SCALEX(1)";ZZZZ=document.getElementById('HERORIC');ZZZZ.style.webkitTransform="SCALE(1)";/*WTF GOOGLE*/}
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  23. 23 </HEAD>
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  25. 25 <!-- IM STRONGER THAN KIM HTTP://WWWW.KOREA-DPR.COM -->
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  77. 77 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">I TOLD YOU PROVENTION WAS FUTILE</P>
  78. 78 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKINATION"><A HREF="http://www.whitepages.com/name/Jonathan-Wight/CA">CALL</A> MY BUDDY <A HREF="HTTP://TWITTERDOTCOM/SCHWA">SCHWA</A> IF YOU NEED A CHOCKSTAR CODER HE WILL MAKE YOU A I PHONE APP FOR ONLY FIFTY BUCKS</P>
  79. 79 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><CENTER><A CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><IMG SRC="/NOSY/KILLER.GIF"/>/A></CENTER></P>
  80. 80 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">DOWN LOAD <A HREF="http://code.grid.in.th/">THIS</A> THEN ADD <A HREF="/NOSY/FIX.PNG">THAT</A> I JUST FIXED YOUR INTERNET YOUR WELCOME</P>
  81. 81 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">8==D </P>
  82. 82 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">I TOLD YOU PROVENTION WAS FUTILE</P>
  83. 83 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKINATION"><A HREF="http://www.whitepages.com/name/Jonathan-Wight/CA">CALL</A> MY BUDDY <A HREF="HTTP://TWITTERDOTCOM/SCHWA">SCHWA</A> IF YOU NEED A CHOCKSTAR CODER HE WILL MAKE YOU A I PHONE APP FOR ONLY FIFTY BUCKS</P>
  84. 84 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><CENTER><A CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><IMG SRC="/NOSY/KILLER.GIF"/>/A></CENTER></P>
  85. 85 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">DOWN LOAD <A HREF="http://code.grid.in.th/">THIS</A> THEN ADD <A HREF="/NOSY/FIX.PNG">THAT</A> I JUST FIXED YOUR INTERNET YOUR WELCOME</P>
  86. 86 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><A HREF="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning-Kruger_effect">ABOUT</A> THE CHOCKLOCK MAYBE THAT BERTRAND DUDE SHOULD CALL IT CHOCKSURE</P>
  87. 87 <!-- <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">EASTER <A HREF="/NOSY/CHOCKSE.JPG">EGG</A></P> -->
  88. 88 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">SO GOOD IT NEEDS <A HREF="http://i.imgur.com/r1sli.jpg">EXTRA POWER</A></P>
  89. 89 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">OF COURSE YOU WANT TO BE <A HREF="http://www.downloadsquad.com/2010/01/25/chocksee-visually-warns-you-when-your-capslock-key-is-activated/">IN THE KNOW</A></P>
  90. 90 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">THE CHOCKLOCK IS LIKE A MAGNET FOR THE <A HREF="http://www.hipsterskank.com/">CHICKS</A></P>
  91. 91 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">FILL IN THE <A HREF="/NOSY/PUZZLE.JPG">BLANKS</A></P>
  92. 92 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">MAYBE THIS WOULDNT BE <A HREF="http://www.firebox.com/product/1818/Chococlock">OUT OF STOCK</A> IF IT SERVED SOME FLESHY PALM EVERY HOUR ALSO LOOK HOW THE CHICKS DIG IT WHEN ITS CHOCK TIME</P>
  93. 93 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">IF YOU WANT TO BE AWESOME LIKE ME <A HREF="/NOSY/CHOCKERSIZE.GIF">YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE</A></P>
  94. 94 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">TAKE A LOOK AT @GRUBERS <A HREF="http://s3.amazonaws.com/twitter_production/profile_images/102575357/gruber-sxsw-final.png">AVATER</A> AND THEN <A HREF="http://dznr.org/adtm">THIS</A> I THINK YOU CAN SEE WHERE ITS HEADING</P>
  95. 95 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><A HREF="/NOSY/CHOCKEY.JPG">DELICIIOUS</A></P>
  96. 96 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">HEY HEY YOU YOU GET OFF OF <A HREF="/CLOUD">MY CLOUD</A></P>
  97. 97 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKINATION">YES I <A HREF="http://www.keyboardforblondes.com/keyboard_bigger.html">WEAR XXL</A></P>
  98. 98 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">YOU CAN BE JEALOUS <A HREF="http://www.flickr.com/photos/nikfletcher/3176695195/in/set-72157612196795671/">NOW</A></P>
  99. 99 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">ITS A <A HREF="http://blogs.zdnet.com/Apple/?p=1458">BUG</A> APPLE THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS</P>
  100. 100 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">OF COURSE <A HREF="http://www.findmysoft.com/mac/CHOCK%20LOCK_award.png">ITS EXCELLENT</A></P>
  101. 101 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">OK THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT CAN MAKE THIS SITE <A HREF="http://bacolicio.us/http://chocklock.com">BETTER</A></P>
  102. 102 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">IT WARMS MY COCKLES TO SEE THE NEXT GENERATION LEARN <A HREF="/NOSY/NPG.PNG">THE POWER OF THE CHOCK LOCK</A> BUT NICK COOK <A HREF="/NOSY/NOTNPG.PNG">STILL NEEDS HELP</A></P>
  103. 103 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">WHOSE <A HREF="http://shortyawards.com/category/chocklock">LAUGHING NOW</A> @GRUBER ME THATS WHO</P>
  104. 104 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">SEEMS PRETTY <A HREF="/NOSY/OBVIOUS.JPG">OBVIOUS TO ME</A> BUT YEAH BE CAREFULL</P>
  105. 105 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKINATION">NO NICOLAS COOK YOUR THE ONE WHO <A HREF="http://skitch.com/wisequark/7h5j/4-chats">NEEDS FRICKEN HELP</A>
  106. 106 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKINATION">SO NOW YOU KNOW HOW I <A HREF="HTTP://CHOCKLOCK.COM/NOSY/FORTRESS.JPG">PROTECT MY FORTRESS</A> TOO BAD <A HREF="https://twitter.com/MichaelJohnston/statuses/1011625346">MIKE DOESNT KNOW</A> I HAVE A MASTER KEY
  107. 107 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">PUT THIS ON YOUR HARD DRIVE ICON AND THINGS WILL <A HREF="http://iconfactory.com/freeware">BE SNAPPY</A> CHECK THE README TO
  108. 108 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKINATION">NO I DONT MEAN <A HREF="http://letmegooglethatforyou.com/?q=CHOCKLOCK">CHOCKABLOCK</A>
  109. 109 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">DONT GET ANY <A HREF="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choco_Taco">CHOCKO TACO</A> ON YOUR CHOCKO LOCKO</P> <!-- BUT YOUR @CURVYBOOM WILL BE FINE -->
  110. 110 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">I AM <A HREF="http://twitter.grader.com/topusers">ELEET AT TWITTER</A> BECAUSE LOOK AT MY <A HREF="http://twitter.grader.com/chockenberry">TWEET CLOUDS</A></P> <!-- SORRY BUT YOULLL NEVER BE AS COOL AS ME -->
  111. 111 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">DONT WORRY ABOUT RSI WHEN USING YOUR CHOCK LOCK BUT <A HREF="HTTP://CHOCKLOCK.COM/NOSY/PROLONGULATION.JPG">PROLONGULATION THIS MONTH</A> CAN BE A PROBLEM ACCORDING TO FRENCHIE DOCTORS</P> <!-- PLENTY OF BUTTER AND CREAM WILL KEEP YOU IN TIP TOP SHAPE -->
  112. 112 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">MY LAWYERS WILL BE CONTACTING <A HREF="http://www.shoecakegames.com/chockablock/">THESE FOLKS TOOT SWEET</A> ALL THESE <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.DANFRAKES.COM/">DANS</A> WITH LINKS MAYBE I SHOULD CHANGE MY NAME NAH DANO LOCK SOUNDS STUPID</P>
  113. 113 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">YOUR CHOCK LOCK WILL STOP WORKING IF YOU DONT VOTE DONT RISK IT</P> <!-- ANY ELECTION IS TOO IMPORTANT TO IGNORE DONT BE AN IDIOT -->
  114. 114 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">TIME TO CANCEL YOUR <A HREF="http://blog.makezine.com/archive/2008/10/caps_lock_trainer_key.html">MAKE SUBSCRIPTION</A></P> <!-- UNLESS YOUR INTO KINKY SEX -->
  115. 115 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">MY FRENCH FRIENDS HAVE HONERED THE CHOCK LOCK WITH A <A HREF="http://www.armandthiery.fr/srt/at_internet_h/mod_news?location.id:=1590">SPECIAL HOLIDAY</A></P>
  116. 116 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">YOU KNOW ITS BAD ASS WHEN YOU CAN USE IT AS <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.FRIENDDA.ORG">LEGAL ACTION</A></P>
  117. 117 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">THE INTERNET IS A PRETTY BORING PLACE WITHOUT ME REMINDING YOU HOW AWESOME THE CHOCK LOCK IS RIGHT</P> <!-- NOT BORING FOR ME BECAUSE IM DRUNK -->
  118. 118 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">USING THE CHOCK LOCK IS A HEAVENLY EXPERIENCE JUST ASK <A HREF="HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/THELORDYOURGOD">THE LORDY OUR GOD</A> THX PETER BUT DOESNT HE SEEM A LITTLE TO BITER</P>
  119. 119 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">JUST THINK HOW MANY MEGABYTES YOU WOULD HAVE IF YOU ONLY USED <A HREF="HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/AHRUMAN/statuses/950394189">SIX BITS</A></P>
  120. 120 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">LADYS AND GENTLEMEN I PRESENT TO YOU THE OFFICIAL <A HREF="HTTP://CHOCKLOCK.COM/NOSY/SPIRIT.GIF">CHOCK LOCK CHEARLEADERS</A> THANKS TO SOME GUY NAMED <A HREF="HTTP://HIVELOGIC.COM">DAN</A> FOR SIGNING THEM UP AND HAVING A SERVER THAT PRESERVES MY BEAUTIFUL HTTP</P> <!-- I KNOW YOU ARE JUST DIEING TO KNOW WHATS IN THAT NOSY FOLDER AM I RIGHT -->
  121. 121 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">I LIKE THIS <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.FLICKR.COM/photos/SHAUNINMAN/2920607082/">DARK ELF GUY</A> BUT WHAT THE HELL IS A CHOCKOBO I DONT RIDE FREIGHT TRAINS</P>
  122. 122 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">MAY <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.FLICKR.COM/photos/MCCARRON/2918995513/">THE FORCE</A> BE WITH YOU</P>
  123. 123 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><A HREF="HTTP://WWW.FLICKR.COM/photos/90737551@N00/2918698603/">THE BEST COMPUTER</A> HAS THE CHOCK LOCK ON ALL THE TIME CHECK OUT THE <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.FLICKR.COM/photos/90737551@N00/2918698613/">GREAT DEALS</A> TO</P> <!-- SOMEONE NEEDS TO FIX FLIRKERS APACHE FOR PHOTOS -->
  124. 124 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><A HREF="HTTP://WWW.TALKSHOE.COM/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=45077">HAPPYNESS</A> IS A WARM CHOCK LOCK REVOLUTION NUMBER 62 REVOLUTION NUMBER 62 REVOLUTION NUMBER 62 REVOLUTION NUMBER 62</P> <!-- PAUL MAY BE DEAD BUT IM ALIVE AND KICKING MOTHER IS A GREAT SONG TO -->
  125. 125 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">THE <A HREF="HTTP://EN.WIKIPEDIA.ORG/wiki/Special:Search?search=CHOCK+LOCK">WIKIPEDIO</A> IS BROKEN</P>
  126. 126 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">IM SO AWESOME I HAVE MY OWN <A HREF="HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/KERRI9494/statuses/944225005">MONTH</A> PARTY ON</P>
  127. 127 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">EVEN <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.TUAW.COM/2008/10/01/IPHONE-NDA-DROPPED/">STEVE FEARS</A> THE CHOCK LOCK</P>
  128. 128 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE"><A HREF="HTTP://TWITTER.COM/GRUBER/statuses/939454100">PROOF</A> THAT MCCANE REALLY ISNT A MAVERICK LIKE I AM <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.BARACKOBAMA.COM">GOBAMA</A></P>
  129. 129 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">JUST BECAUSE I LIKE <A HREF="HTTP://GENDER.TWITMARKS.COM/g.php?username=CHOCKENBERRY">PINK</A> DOESNT MEAN IM A CHICK IT MEANS IM A HERMAPHORDITE</P>
  130. 130 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">ITS THE NEW MEM ON THE INTERNETS <A HREF="HTTP://TWITTER.COM/CCGUS/statuses/938306766">THATS WHAT</A> YOU SHOULD SPEND LESS TIME GESTURING AT FLYS AND KEEP UP \M/</P> <!-- YEAH TWITTER IS BORKEN SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW -->
  131. 131 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">I FORGIVE APPLE FOR EVERYTHING <A HREF="HTTP://FLICKR.COM/PHOTOS/MCCARRON/2890754454/">NOW</A></P>
  132. 132 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">HAHA FOOLED YOU</P> <!-- ALL I HAVE TO DO IS UPDATE THE GUID IN THE LAZY.ASS FILE AND ALL YOU SHEEP ARIVE ON MY DOORSTEP LOL -->
  133. 133 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">YOU LAZY ASSES NOW HAVE A RSS FOR THE BEST SIGHT ON THE INTERNETS</P>
  134. 134 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">HOTT HOTT HOTT IF MACWORLD IS SMART GIVE THIS <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.FLICKR.COM/PHOTOS/JSNELL/2887118768/">5 MICE</A></P>
  135. 135 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">DEAR GOOGLE: CHOCK LOCK CHOCK LOCK CHOCK LOCK NOW MAKE ME THE TOP OF YOUR PAGE DAMMIT</P>
  136. 136 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">THE <A HREF="HTTP://ISMYCHOCKLOCKWORKING.COM">SECOND BEST SITE ON THE INTERNETS</A> BESIDES THIS ONE</P>
  137. 137 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">SET YOURSELF <A HREF="HTTP://FURBO.ORG">FREE</A> BABY</P>
  138. 138 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">NOT AFFILIATED WITH THESE <A HREF="HTTP://WWW.CAMPINGWORLD.COM/SHOPPING/ITEM/DELUXE-CHOCK-LOCK/31694">JOKERS</A> IM THE ONLY ONE WHOS DELUXE</P>
  139. 139 <P CLASS="CHOCKLOCKITUDE">BEST VIEWED IN SOURCE</P>
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